Home > Notable Peace News > My Preferred Conspiracy Theory | Dr. Zaher Sahloul

My Preferred Conspiracy Theory | Dr. Zaher Sahloul

Dr. Zaher Sahloul is a pulmonary and critical care physician in Chicago, President of MedGlobal and co-recipient of the 2020 Gandhi Peace Award.

There are plenty of conspiracies about everything floating around. Some sound-minded people including doctors and well educated people fall into their trappings. The human brain is a mystery. It is paranoid. It tends to believe lies, threats and things that are perceived as dangerous. It looks for patterns of things that are not connected. It tries to simplify complicated phenomena to reduce anxiety.

Here is my preferred conspiracy theory about the Corona virus. I invite you to spread it to your networks. It is based on facts and information that were verified by the the panel of brainiacs and Conspiracies R Them.

1. The Corona virus (SARS CoV-2) has been infecting bats for tens of thousands of years in the dark. Bats developed immunity from the virus and developed ways to spread it to other creatures and aliens.

2. Bat leaders met in an underground cave in undisclosed country and conspired to infect the humans with the new virus to revenge the encroachment of humans on their natural habitats and the slaughtering of their fellow bats by Chinese bat-eaters.

3. Bats have a track record of conspiring against humans and sucking their blood. They prefer to live in dark places and work only at night. They infected humans with other viruses like HIV, Ebola and SARS according to Dr. Chiroptera Batman, who is the world’s expert on bats conspiracies in the University of Shakilonia in Bongaliastan.

4. They went through a list of ground zeros including the great Sahara and Antarctica but finally chose Wuhan because it is not very hot, not freezing cold, and it has many humans mixed with their fellow bats in a well-known wet market, and because millions of humans travel to the rest of the known world everyday so it easy to spread the new virus.

5. Humans fell into the trap once again and they inhaled the new virus thinking that it had aphrodisiac power. Because they don’t have immunity, many of them died. Many fled the scene and spread the virus all over the world causing hundreds of thousands of deaths and millions of infections.

6. Stupid humans tried to fight the virus by outdated methods they borrowed from the Middle Ages, like wearing masks and quarantines. They closed all cities and countries and stopped polluting the earth in panic. Many humans even started to wash their hands and faces for the first time in their lives. Doctors prescribed to their patients 70-year-old medication that is used to treat all kinds of diseases caused by conspiracies.

7. Smart politicians who don’t believe in conspiracies like Donald Duck in the United States of Sciencolia defied the bats and did not fall into the trap. Donald and his smart followers continued to live as if there is no conspiracy. They refused to wear outdated masks and thumbed their noses at the bats and their viruses. Their noses inhaled the viruses unintentionally because of the thumbing. They unintentionally spread the virus to other non-believers.

8. A bunch of immigrants conspired to fight the virus by using a method that was used 250 years ago to eradicate another virus called the smallpox. Smallpox was a conspiracy by the cows against humans who forced the cows to milk against their will and slaughtered cows in the millions to enjoy their meat and warm the cold earth.

9. They gave a new name to the old new weapon. They called it vaccine. The vaccine worked. The humans won over the bats. The bats were devastated as were the cows before them. They decided to release another virus after 10 years when humans forget this new virus. They even gave it a name COVID29. Humans have a tendency to forget previous conspiracies.


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